Joy...

Well, its been since May since i posted... of course that's not since i have written a post! I tend to write these things, then end up deleting what i wrote, purely out of frustration, or because i choose not to be vulnerable and allow people to see inside!

I haven't been in the word as much as i should be, but today, just because, i opened my word to where my bookmark was marking. It just so happened to be 1 Peter, my favorite book!! I read a little bit past what i got the last time i opened my Bible and came across this:

"Though you have not seen Him; and even though you do not see Him, you love Him; you believe in Him *AND are filled with an inexpressable and glorious joy*, ---> for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
-1 Peter 1: 8-9

These verses struck me to the deep of my heart, and caused me to stop. I couldn't move beyond those two verses. I was convicted more than i really ever have been. I have been going thru a season where i am unhappy with where I am in life. I have complained that nothing is how i would like it to be, and that everything i am taking part in, isn't being utilized to its full potential. The honest truth is, yeah... i am probably not putting my full heart in school (well i know that for a fact), in my internship, in the youth group, in work, and even more importantly in GOD, which is definitely my own fault!! But the reality is, in the muck of life, we are called to be joyful. But not joyful by our own means, but being joyful because Christ lives in us, and has given us eternal life; we have been saved.

I began to look over my own life, and think upon when i was most joyful, those times were when i was abiding in Christ with my whole heart! It states in the word that "God will fill us with joy in His presence" and all the while i am searching for something without God!!

I also looked at the idea of salvation. I believe in my heart that i have been saved (forgive my use of words), but the fact is... i have taken it for granted. Verse 9 in that 1 Peter passage states that we are filled with "inexpressable and glorious joy" because of our salvation. We are called and should be joyful always, even admist the hard times, because we have been given something not everybody chooses to receive. I get to spend an eternity with the creator of the universe!! I think because i have been "churched" my whole life, the idea of salvation has become void of the grand pleasure and joy that it once was filled with!! It is not up to me to find joy, its up to me to abide and then joy follows!!

Just an idea to think upon!!

Striving for TOTAL dependence...

So these past couple weeks have been interesting ones. I have been bumped up in my role in the youth group, and now have 1/2 of the youth group on my shoulders. I am stressed, overwhelmed, and LOVING it!!
For awhile now i have been praying for God to show me what it looks like to be totally dependent upon Him. Whenever something came along i wanted to be able to immediately turn towards the eyes of my Lord, catch His gaze, and know in my heart hat He has everything under control. Well, God has placed me in this place of leadership, and for the longest time i was second guessing it, and know God has revealed to me the reason i am where i am! This sudden boost into leadership has caused me to understand that i am lowley and God is a great God.
I have tried for so long to take everything under my control and when i try this, everything fails. I have had to rely on God for curriculum, and direction for the first time in a really long time. I know longer can stand on my own two feet, because when i do this, i fall.
Somebody once told me that they feared praying for complete dependence on God, because they knew God would grant them that prayer. And what that entailed scared them. Well i have been praying for complete dependence and surrender, and God has definitely been answering that prayer. There have been multiple instances where i have had to drop to my knees and cry out to God for His divine strength and guidance. He is a faithful God and i know He is going to continue, and always has, been there lifting me up, its just up to me, whether i choose to fix my eyes on grace.

the end.

Listening to God...

"I did not call you to preach about Me; I called you to be a voice that I could speak through... My words are Spirit and Life. My words give life. You are not called to just teach about Me, but to let Me teach through you. As you dwell in My presence, your words will be My words, and they will have power."
-Excerpt from The Call by Rick Joyner... Jesus is speaking.

I am still reading a book called The Call, which is a vision given to Rick Joyner and its so amazing! I came across this passage, and immediately my mind started racing and holy discontents were brought forth.
I am a big supporter of people listening to their God. Many say that it is difficult and that they don't hear from God. I say to those people, that they need to open their minds. When people think about hearing from God, they think God is going to speak to them audibly. I fully believe that is possible, but i don't think its the only method that people can hear from God. I believe the Word is a great way we can hear from our God. Another way we can hear from God is by His Spirit revealing things to us. So many times i get so discouraged, because God is not speaking to me. I question God over and over, what the deal is? The better question i should be asking is whether or not i am having ears to hear. I know left and right God is sending messages my way, i am just so busy with life that i choose to not listen. I believe God values each and every one of His children, and i believe even more that He wants to use each and every one of His children.
I think that speaking to people, small groups or large, aren't solely reserved for a pastor. So many churches are so stuck on that being the role of the pastor and the pastor only. I believe God wants to use ALL His people.
A holy discontent i have is that so many preachers and pastors develop sermons on a Sunday morning, and they don't even seek the Lord on it. I fully believe we are just instruments, and that God needs to use us, not us use Him. I am not a preacher or pastor, i don't quite feel thats my gifting, but i believe whole-heartedly, EVERY message spoken, should be the message that is on God's heart, not just ours. I know this is making NO sense, but i don't quite know how to get it out. I just think, our church leaders today need to get on their knees a little bit more before they approach the congregation. Prayer is the key aspect here, seeking God is what we are called to do! All glory to Him!

My thoughts for the day...

So i am reading the sequel to the Final Quest, the Call. So far it has been just as exciting and convicting as the original. I just went thru a chapter called "The Prison," and it was talking about how believers are chained in a prison, and sometimes they don't even know it. The popular guard of this prison is fear, including fear of deception. Rick Joyner writes, "He (Satan) sidetracks many by having them fear more in his power to deceive than to have faith in the power of the Holy Spirit to lead them in all truth." It got me thinking. So many times, believers come together and are so adament about staying on their guard against the enemy, or combatting the enemy, when i believe our number one focus should be on God. I heard somewhere that believers spend more time taking notice of Satan (in a sense glorifying him), rather than God. I began to think about my life and tried to see if at all i was a prisoner to this fear, and what i found was hard and sad. I know, so many times, that i look to all things negative as if they were from Satan, when in essence the negative things in ones life could quite possibly be from God. I so many times believe that when life isn't going my way, my God wouldn't be the one punishing me, and i am beginning to find out, that is absolutely right. A lot of the time God isn't punishing me, but just disciplining me. I am beginning to realize the only way to combat this, is to focus on who my God really is. So many times i am finding myself focusing in on God... but more so who i want Him to be, it doesn't work that way...!! Well until next time... adios.. and much love!!

First thoughts...

Well... i decided to try one of these out.... i have so much stuff going thru my head, that i think this will be a good spot to unload it!! Ummm... be looking for some posts in the near future! Love you all!!