Feeling thoughtful... kind of!

Well i am back. I actually love how these posts are few and far between, makes for a more exciting read, because when people see that i have posted, the excitement kicks in a little bit! lol.. or maybe its just curiosity!

Well, its been quite a journey! I am continually amazed at how my God keeps me close to Him! Over the last however many months it has been, God has been showing me quite a bit! Its crazy, i looked over my last post, and its so funny how you can look back to see what life was like and relive those emotions all over again. I don't know if that made sense, but i was taken back and the cool thing i found is, i feel like i have grown. Jon being fired was actually in my opinion was a push that i needed. That push , emotionally, physically, spiritually, and my reaction to it, is what i believe laid the foundation of ME today! I was able to grow through that! I was able to draw closer to God. I really feel like i passed the test that God put before me! He used that circumstance to sharpen me! It was actually a life-changer (i might have to thank Mitch sometime.. lol) And so know, my attitude is better, i am able to carry on with a trust that i never had before.

Blows my mind, ya know? Back maybe 4 months ago, i felt like i was TITE with God. I thought i was "good" and we were totally in love. The funny thing is, i am so beyond what i was four months ago. It's pretty amazing, because we are called to be growing right? i really felt like i have grown tremendously! I just really love God more, and i know we are in so much of a better place than we were four months ago. I know, for sure, that i have SOOOOOOO much growing still to do, but i thank God that He is "continually renewing" and transforming us day by day! Where would i be without my God? What would i be doing? What kind of person would i be? How would i think, act, be...? I think about it now, and i couldn't even imagine where i would be! He is soo good! I run out of adjectives to describe His Goodness... and most adjectives truly don't do It justice.

So i guess my purpose here tonight, is to just write...
I have had a hard couple of weeks. I really feel like the enemy is trying all he can to distract me, and cause me to take my eyes off Jesus. The great thing is, i am able to recognize its satan! And i am able to stand against that! I know that my God has provided me with all the weapons i need to stand! I see the fruit of standing against the enemy as well! Today, i have been very tired... just worn down, and when i get tired, the enemy tends to creep in. I was texting with a friend, and he reminded me that when i am tired my guard is down. I love how God uses other people, just at the right time! So i have been able to hold my tongue when i am irritated, stop my mind battles when they arise, basically able to be a light when i know i don't feel like it!! It's crazy to me... and its totally not by my own power. All i have to do is proclaim the name JESUS! Gosh, i am beginning to see how powerful that Name truly is! Today was also hard, because we moved into our new building! I was excited to leave Clovis West... but for some reason i was having a hard time with the new building! Maybe its the extravagance.. maybe its the show? I don't know.. but nonetheless it was hard! But God reminded me, that the church is one of His tools for reaching the lost. I mean i believe in the Word where it says, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." The Spirit of God lives inside me as well as many others there, so i know people will find Jesus!

Gosh... just typing that sentence brought on a whole new revelation. Wherever I go, freedom follows. It doesn't say, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, freedom will be in that place where He dwells," it says, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." The overall location where the Spirit is, brings freedom. How awesome. you know i always have this fear of like... not knowing what to say, or when the appropriate time to tell people about Jesus is, but i know have assurance that wherever i am, freedom is right there as well. All the people i might who are consumed by the world, and living in bondage, can be liberated whenever i am around, because the power of the Spirit!! What a relief... i mean it really adds new meaning to "His yoke is easy, and His burden is light." I can tell people about Jesus, and get out of the way, and people can be brought out of bondage, and the best part, is GOD is there the whole time, and doing all the work. So often i get consumed with a "what can i do" mentality. We need to shake that off.. and realize that we do nothing. It's all God.. He just uses us as His mouthpiece. Praise God. Such a simple revelation, but anytime i can apply scripture to a truth that is revealed to me, for some reason it always makes it so much more powerful.

I am rejoicing tonight. My uncle said that my cousin entered into the Fresno Rescue Mission rehab program last Friday! ALL praise to God. He prompted me to speak His truth into my cousins life... and there is a huge fruit from it. Once again, God did all the speaking... He knew what it would take. God knew that i had to be moved emotionally for Randy to respond. I never cry, and it was needed this time. After fighting back the tears, i believed that God would be my comfort, and i let the tears roll. There is purpose in every single action we do! God spoke to my cousin's heart , and i was just His mouthpiece! The whole time, He had EVERYTHING under control, all it took, was for me to say i was willing, and He used me! Honestly, it felt so good! I am so amazed at how wonderful my God is.

Honestly, i am just thinking of HIS greatness, and getting emotional. So often, i find myself questioning why He loves us so much. In all human ways, it doesn't make any sense, yet He is still moved by us. Gosh, i just get excited in my Spirit, because i know we get to live an eternity with Him. I get to stand before Him one day, and ask Him all these questions. I get to stand before Him one day, and worship and praise Him forever!

So life is good right now. I am excited for the remainder of the journey, and am praying that i draw closer and closer to the heart of God, and hopefully He pours out those mysteries more and more! I love Him with my heart, soul, mind, and strength, i am just trying to give Him ALL my heart, soul, mind, and strength! i am striving to go deeper and deeper!

Praise God for life... oh and from my last post.. i don't really know what that second thing was!! ha ha!! oh and... sorry bout the novel of rambles!

Life today, as of 8/8/07...

Well, here is yet another blog... my blogs are random, and i wish i did them more often, especially around summer time (when i am not using the brain cells).

Tonight, i decided i wanted to write where i am at emotionally, first, then discuss another topic, second. The reason, i want to state where i am at first, is because i was thinking that maybe years from now i will be in a different place in my life, this site will totally be forgetten, then just maybe i will remember, and be able to track back to when i was 21.. and what life was like... (that's if this site doesn't close down, by the time that is going to happen ;-)! )

OH k.... so yet again, ANOTHER close friend of mine (who i look up to spiritually) is fired from my church. What do you do with that kind of news? It has been pretty crazy because it is like a total flashback...! I have been here before and i HATE it! Last time, i gave into my anger, and i became bitter. The thing i am praying against (constantly, might i add) is bitterness this time. I have grown since the last time, not saying it isn't harder than hell, but i am able to look back and see where i allowed biterness to enter, and am able to fight against that! James 1:1-2 says that the testing of our faith develops perserverance... extraordinary right? I have been here before, i am perservering because my faith was tested, and i came out on the other side with Jesus holding my hand... the reality is, that it isn't that hard, because i know what will come of it... i know i will come out of this with Jesus holding my hand on the other side!! It's absolutely taking me for a whirlwind, my emotions are all over the place, but that's oh k... because my MIGHTY God has me...

I was going to blog on something else too, but i will have to save that for next time, i am going to the Falkes lol!!

Enjoy!! whoever reads this!! lol

Just another blog of randomness...

So i thought i would blog on this thing, because i was giving my amigo a hard time and he gave me a hard time back... so here i am... blogging!

The reality is, i don't really know what to blog about. I approach this thing, thinking that i need something insightful, or deep, and to be completely honest, i am not a super deep person! It's very rare, where i get deep! So i thought about it, maybe i should just blog on my feelings, and my questions... and that is precisely what i am going to do...

Today, i am feeling good! I have begun to take a look at my life and attempted to evaluate where i am at. I love my job. I love my friends. I think i have found a major that works. Everything is going fine... except... i feel like i am missing something. There is a part of me that believes God is calling me to something, and i continually am shutting Him down. He wants to take me to another level, but i keep saying no thanks... maybe not audibly... but definitely by my actions. It is funny, sometimes i think i shouldn't even speak about God, because the things i say, and the way i am living, tend to intersect rather than align. I know He is worth every ounce of my being, i know He is Holy and Mighty, and Set Apart, but i don't act like i know. So in essence, i ask myself... Do i truly know?

A friend of mine and i had a chat the other night... i was curious how we are going to reach the youth of this age... and he said, that they have to experience God for themselves. What does an experience look like?? and is it lasting? I question this, because i truly believe i have experienced God, i believe that He has revealed Himself and His character, multiple times, but it never seems to be enough. I have one desire... i desire to surrender everything to God. I desire to live my life the way He has requested, because He is worth it... but i don't? As i look inwardly i have to ask myself, what keeps me from this? The truth is, i am selfish. I like to hang on to things. I like to have control. I have lived my life this way for the majority of my life. I am an independent person who doesn't like help very often. The bigger truth is... the exact opposite is what God requires of us...! He desires us to be completely dependent on Him. He desires us to release all control over to Him. He desires us to ask for His help. And that's the answer!! He desires us to ask...

Prayer has been a topic that He has placed on my heart. It is everywhere. Every place i go, i am more and more getting a message or lesson on prayer. And its soo true. Prayer is the answer. In James it says, the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. Not only will they get the job done, they are going to do it with power. We need to ask. How do i fully surrender to God... i ask for Him to help. How do i change from independent to dependent... i ask Him to change my heart. He wants to hear from His people. So i will continue to ask! Ask for experiences, ask for revelation, ask for refining, ask for grace, ask for mercy, the list goes on and on... but most of all i need to ask for His love!

It is possible.... He is worth it, maybe i should start living like it!!

So, just some random thoughts that are blended together and ya know... you can either read or disregard!! At least i blogged right?

This could be the start of something beautiful...

So much has happened to me since the last time i blogged. Outwardly
it wouldn't appear so, but i truly believe i have grown. I used to
not be able to feel, God has released me of that... i feel again! I
am on this new journey of learning what it means... more than that,
Desiring... to find God. I feel like i haven't been pursuing Him to
the best of my ability... or should i said... to the best that He has
abled me to (i don't even know if that is correct english)!! I have
gained a bit of discipline recently, after many prayers; i now know
what it means to be faithful with the things you have...!! I hope
that this blog can be an outlet for my thoughts... my hope is a few
things... that i will come away feeling more complete, because i was
able to get thoughts out... that i can look back on this blog and
hopefully see where i have grown... or that someone will be blessed by
my blog if they happen to come across it (as of right now, that means
Barry or JB)!? I don't know much... but what i do know is this is for
the glory of God... He has put stuff inside of me that... to be quite
honest... needs to come out!! There are passions, that are getting to
strong or to overwhelming for me to just hold in! So here I go...
today's thought....

"If my people who are called by MY name, will humble themselves and
pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will
hear from Heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."
-2 Chronicles 7:14

I was reading my word this morning and came across this scripture...
it is one that is widely known amongst most Christians. It is one of
those verses that you hear over and over in church... and sometimes i
believe when that happens it tends to lost its meaning. Or we tend to
skip over it, without giving it deep thought. God struck me this
morning as I was spending time with Him. He has instilled in me this
thought this last week, how us Christians (me included) have gotten
into a state that's stagnant and lazy. I am speaking on behalf of the
Christians i come into contact with! We were not created to sit back
and do nothing when it comes to this walk with Jesus. Action is
required!! This verse reiterates that very thought! The whole verse
depicts action. This is how God spoke to me this morning, He had me
break the verse up in my mind... first section... "My people who are
called by MY name..." WOW... honestly think about it... we are called
by HIS name... we are affirmed in Him!! When we accept to walk this
walk with Jesus... no longer does our life belong to us... I am not
longer Shannon, i am Jesus' daughter, Jesus Bride... I am a chosen
one.. one dearly loved...!! It's incredible to me... i don't have to
worry about loneliness, i don't have to worry about being accepted, i
don't have to worry about fitting in, because my identity and who i am
lives in Christ. Such a simple thought, but its a wonderful one!! We
are called by HIS name!! He has His tag on us!!

Next peice of the verse... "will humble themselves and pray..." Last
night at Mercy Street, Shabags sang a song and shared some truth that
spoke directly into this!! When we are low, we are closest to God!!
When we choose to recognize Him as Lord, He honors that. His word says
that He gives power to the Humble.. blessed are those who are
broken...!! He is God, we are not! That is what it comes down to! He
has shown us what is required of us, and it is to be on our faces
before Him!! I think we have come so far from humbly coming before
God! We say we do, but do our actions really speak into that! We Get
lost in this rut of being all about "me," when it should be all about
Him. I was talking with Shabags the other day, we tend to get so
wrapped up in me that we lose sight of HIM! And for Christians, we
mask the fact that we are so wrapped up in "me," by putting a
spiritual cherry on top! Its like we say, "I am doing this for the
kingdom of God, or I did that, Or the other day this happened to me."
And all the while we are ignorant of the fact that it is always about
us. Where did God go in that picture? The reality is, God was the
one that did anything through us, He is the one that will always do
something, we are just invited along for the ride. We need to come
before God knowing we are low and He is mighty. Knowing that the only
reason we are even alive is because of His mercy and grace. And
knowing that we are His servants. The other half of this verse
involves prayer. We should be on our faces, putting Him up where He
truly belongs. Coming before God in prayer requires action.

The next part is... "seek My face..." How often do we seek anymore?
When i think of the word seek, i think fervent effort to find! Do we
desire to find God? When I hear seek, i feel like it is a matter of
life and death (which it truly is)! That verb seek is different from
the verb look for. Seek means i am not going to stop looking till i
find! Seeking means having an overwhelming feeling that i will not be
complete until the object of me search is found! Do we seek after God
like this? The awesome thing is God promises that "if we seek we will
find..." Do we believe Him at His truths? Or do we just say that's
nice and continue to do our own things. He desires us to seek Him.
He wants to show Himself to us. And if we do, He will be found by us.
He longs for one glance from His people. There are mysteries that He
wants to unveil. There is love He wants to continue to pour out. He
has already drawn near. He made the first step... its our turn. It
is promised that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. His
arms are open wide with expectation!! Can we put aside ourselves and
welcome that embrace?? Seeking Him requires action.

The verse goes on to say... "and turn from their wicked ways..." That one is pretty self explanatory!! The only thought i had with this one is that I often try to play the line. I like to do what people call "how far is too far?" That is truly the question that runs through my mind everytime I began to do something that i know is riding the fence! But that is not how God wants us to live... He has given us a guide book... we have the Spirit of God, we should know right? I get caught up here far too often!! But this is what else I was thinking of... I don't have to be bound the wickedness of the world anymore! I have been set free!! It is a choice! God says turn from your wicked ways... i also love how the passage never says be perfect!!

The best part is the promise!! If these things occur, we then are freed from our bondage and our land is healed! This promise is wonderful! Simple steps that the Lord requires... Simple... and yet we over complicate it most of the time! The reason it is simple is because He is worth it! If you think about it, it is something that should be second nature. We just don't truly believe how worthy He is! This verse can be applied personally as well as corporately!! We have been given the action steps.. are we willing to take them?

To wrap it up...
There is one name that saves, and it's not ME!!! He is worth it, when are we gonna jump in feet first walking by faith, not by sight! All we have to do is say yes to the invite of Jesus... and by his unending kindness, grace, mercy, and above all LOVE, we are saved!!

ENJOY!