Well i am back. I actually love how these posts are few and far between, makes for a more exciting read, because when people see that i have posted, the excitement kicks in a little bit! lol.. or maybe its just curiosity!
Well, its been quite a journey! I am continually amazed at how my God keeps me close to Him! Over the last however many months it has been, God has been showing me quite a bit! Its crazy, i looked over my last post, and its so funny how you can look back to see what life was like and relive those emotions all over again. I don't know if that made sense, but i was taken back and the cool thing i found is, i feel like i have grown. Jon being fired was actually in my opinion was a push that i needed. That push , emotionally, physically, spiritually, and my reaction to it, is what i believe laid the foundation of ME today! I was able to grow through that! I was able to draw closer to God. I really feel like i passed the test that God put before me! He used that circumstance to sharpen me! It was actually a life-changer (i might have to thank Mitch sometime.. lol) And so know, my attitude is better, i am able to carry on with a trust that i never had before.
Blows my mind, ya know? Back maybe 4 months ago, i felt like i was TITE with God. I thought i was "good" and we were totally in love. The funny thing is, i am so beyond what i was four months ago. It's pretty amazing, because we are called to be growing right? i really felt like i have grown tremendously! I just really love God more, and i know we are in so much of a better place than we were four months ago. I know, for sure, that i have SOOOOOOO much growing still to do, but i thank God that He is "continually renewing" and transforming us day by day! Where would i be without my God? What would i be doing? What kind of person would i be? How would i think, act, be...? I think about it now, and i couldn't even imagine where i would be! He is soo good! I run out of adjectives to describe His Goodness... and most adjectives truly don't do It justice.
So i guess my purpose here tonight, is to just write...
I have had a hard couple of weeks. I really feel like the enemy is trying all he can to distract me, and cause me to take my eyes off Jesus. The great thing is, i am able to recognize its satan! And i am able to stand against that! I know that my God has provided me with all the weapons i need to stand! I see the fruit of standing against the enemy as well! Today, i have been very tired... just worn down, and when i get tired, the enemy tends to creep in. I was texting with a friend, and he reminded me that when i am tired my guard is down. I love how God uses other people, just at the right time! So i have been able to hold my tongue when i am irritated, stop my mind battles when they arise, basically able to be a light when i know i don't feel like it!! It's crazy to me... and its totally not by my own power. All i have to do is proclaim the name JESUS! Gosh, i am beginning to see how powerful that Name truly is! Today was also hard, because we moved into our new building! I was excited to leave Clovis West... but for some reason i was having a hard time with the new building! Maybe its the extravagance.. maybe its the show? I don't know.. but nonetheless it was hard! But God reminded me, that the church is one of His tools for reaching the lost. I mean i believe in the Word where it says, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." The Spirit of God lives inside me as well as many others there, so i know people will find Jesus!
Gosh... just typing that sentence brought on a whole new revelation. Wherever I go, freedom follows. It doesn't say, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, freedom will be in that place where He dwells," it says, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." The overall location where the Spirit is, brings freedom. How awesome. you know i always have this fear of like... not knowing what to say, or when the appropriate time to tell people about Jesus is, but i know have assurance that wherever i am, freedom is right there as well. All the people i might who are consumed by the world, and living in bondage, can be liberated whenever i am around, because the power of the Spirit!! What a relief... i mean it really adds new meaning to "His yoke is easy, and His burden is light." I can tell people about Jesus, and get out of the way, and people can be brought out of bondage, and the best part, is GOD is there the whole time, and doing all the work. So often i get consumed with a "what can i do" mentality. We need to shake that off.. and realize that we do nothing. It's all God.. He just uses us as His mouthpiece. Praise God. Such a simple revelation, but anytime i can apply scripture to a truth that is revealed to me, for some reason it always makes it so much more powerful.
I am rejoicing tonight. My uncle said that my cousin entered into the Fresno Rescue Mission rehab program last Friday! ALL praise to God. He prompted me to speak His truth into my cousins life... and there is a huge fruit from it. Once again, God did all the speaking... He knew what it would take. God knew that i had to be moved emotionally for Randy to respond. I never cry, and it was needed this time. After fighting back the tears, i believed that God would be my comfort, and i let the tears roll. There is purpose in every single action we do! God spoke to my cousin's heart , and i was just His mouthpiece! The whole time, He had EVERYTHING under control, all it took, was for me to say i was willing, and He used me! Honestly, it felt so good! I am so amazed at how wonderful my God is.
Honestly, i am just thinking of HIS greatness, and getting emotional. So often, i find myself questioning why He loves us so much. In all human ways, it doesn't make any sense, yet He is still moved by us. Gosh, i just get excited in my Spirit, because i know we get to live an eternity with Him. I get to stand before Him one day, and ask Him all these questions. I get to stand before Him one day, and worship and praise Him forever!
So life is good right now. I am excited for the remainder of the journey, and am praying that i draw closer and closer to the heart of God, and hopefully He pours out those mysteries more and more! I love Him with my heart, soul, mind, and strength, i am just trying to give Him ALL my heart, soul, mind, and strength! i am striving to go deeper and deeper!
Praise God for life... oh and from my last post.. i don't really know what that second thing was!! ha ha!! oh and... sorry bout the novel of rambles!
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3 comments:
lets hope thats the reason why.
its not like being mad at someone... its like being mad at an idea. that was just the same as everything else... just a post about how i am feeling inside. angry. angry at the way things turned out. if i was mad at you i would most certainly tell you. i dont like playing pretend in relationships. actually i posted that on all my blogs. i have been trying to blog more because i was hoping it would help but lately it has just been reinforcing the fact that i have no real person to talk to. its like one of those simulated computer counselors... it can help you for awhile until you ask it a question it is not programmed to answer. but i guess even people are like that, none of us have all the answers. but in the face of great difficulty, human innovation has often found new answers in solutions to old problems. i guess that is what i was hoping for for me. but i guess there is truly nothing new under the sun. i am just rambling now, my point is that i am not angry at you but thanks for reading my blogs. i appriciate it a lot:)
angela
just found out that you and nikki have a blog, LOOOOVE it.
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