My first teaching gig...

So Wednesday August 25th, I have the exciting opportunity to teach a lesson to a group of 50 eighth graders at Kastner Middle School. To sum the expectation of the experience up, in one word... YIKES!!

I am terrified, beyond scared, shaking in my boots, about to toss my lunch, and crap my pants. :-/ too graphic, sorry about that. This will be my first experience teaching to a live group of students. Now, many would ask, "Hey Shannon, didn't you receive your Bachelors degree in Communication?" And the answer to that question would be a proud yes! But the reality is, that was different. When I gave a speech, sure I created it, and sure I stood up in front of a class of my peers, but the truth is, half of them probably tuned me out. Their educational knowlege didn't rest on the weight of whether or not I could persuade them that the 2nd amendment was right or wrong (a speech I gave). I am giving a lesson to a bunch of students, who likely will be tuning me out, but who very well may be hearing about literary terms for the first time in their lives; I will be their first impression. So, I'll say it again, YIKES!

For now, I shall breathe, and hope for the best. The reality is, my first few lessons probably will suck, but practice makes perfect right. I will do the dang thang on Wednesday, and give it my all.

Oh... Did I mention I have to video tape myself teaching the lesson, and watch it with MY classmates, while they critique me? Yikes.

A Million Little Pieces

I tend to glean tidbits of information about life through novels, and the novel A Million Little Pieces is no exception.

Specifically, there is a point in the novel where the main character has a moment of intense reflection and solitude. Now, the important thing to note is that this momemt of reflection & solitude is unlike anything I am used to. These moments, for me at least, involve a lot of thinking; my mind moving a mile a minute, processing whatever is being thrown my way. His moments consisted of ridding himself of all worry, thought, and desire, and just being still, mindless sitting. I envy him.

I think reflection is important, it allows us to evaluate where we were, and what needs to change moving forward. Reflection shows us what's working, and what's not working. But the moment I read the character's act of emptying out his mind, I yearned for a similar experience. I can't describe why it's so inticing. I think it's the fact that I am constantly bombarded by the worries of the day, and the things of life, that not thinking about anything offers a sense of peace and escape.

Unfortunately, it is impossible, in my opinion, to completely rid yourself of all your thoughts, but I have come to discover that it is important to try. So, moving forward, I am going to try and find some time to reflect in solitude once in a while. We will see how it goes.

My credential journey thus far...

So, I am aspiring to be a teacher. I am half way through my classes, half way through the CSET, and completely unprepared to be done. So far my experience in getting my teaching credential has been less than exciting. Unfortunately, National University has not met my expectations. It is frustrating to sign up for a program who clearly states they offer all classes on-site, just to have all my on-site classes cancelled. Honestly, I am struggling with the online classes I am forced to take because I have a procrastination issue. I am hoping it gets better, and am trying to look on the bright side, but it is difficult.

As far as the CSET goes, I have taken 2 out of the 4 subtests that are necessary. The unfortunate thing is I failed one of those sections.I have the opportunity to take it again on July 10th, so we will see.

All this said leads me to how I am truly feeling. I am feeling defeated. I feel as if I should just blow it off, and be an Executive Assistant somewhere and be content in that. I usually excel, or at least not struggle, through things, and I hate this feeling. I know that all the school work is not going to actually be what I am doing when I am a teacher, but seeing the silver lining is difficult. The one thing I have going for me, is that I am not a quitter. I usually follow through with what I set out to do. We will see. Hopefully things start brightening up.

I should have gotten into speech language pathology. They make the beaucoup bucks. Oh well... You live and learn.

Random. Good. Night.

hello... out... there...

Nobody ever reads my blog. Or maybe they do, but never comment? Oh my, oh me.

The Future

What does it hold? I wonder.

Restless

You know the saying "the world is wide, and ready to be conquered?" Ok, I'll admit it, I don't actually know if that is a saying or not, but it greatly reflects the feelings I harbor, today. I have lived in Fresno my whole life, and although I enjoy it very much, I want to discover new places. I am restless. I want to travel. I need to experience different cultures. Unfortunately, I am poor, and have responsibilities.
Almost every day, I talk to Daniel about the places I want to go one day. He chuckles, and always responds with "Maybe one day babe." I plead with him to just run away with me for a couple months... One of these days he will cave, I just know it!
For now... I look forward to July when I will embark on a journey across the border... No, for all you smart asses, I am not referring to Taco Bell. I am referring to Mexico. I am more than excited to head to Mexico with New Harvest, and once again take in the smells, tastes, and sights.
My hope is that Mexico will cure the travel itch in me for a bit... But I know for sure, restlessness and I will meet again shortly after.
You know... I think it stems from the monotony of life. I wake up go to work, on Mondays I go to school. Then do it all over again. I understand the responsibilities of bills, which requires me to work and make money; I'm not going to lie when I say I miss the days that were care free.
If I were a billionaire, I would work when I wanted, travel when I wanted, and donate a lot of it.
One day, I am sure I will find contentment where I am at... Hopefully soon.

Randomness.

love.

I am in love. In love for what feels like the first time ever, and I love being in love. :) I have never felt this way about somebody before. I am soaring. Guess what... He loves me back. :)

title.

I am often bothered by the figurative language of the Bib le. Does it ever bother you? We have rules that have been established by the "Bible," but honestly, who says? I think about this often. Interpretation is a funny and messy thing, and figurative language bothers me.

The end.

bloopity bloo.

I hate thinking of clever titles for my blog posts, so I just don't.

My roommates moved officially today. Quite a sad day. On a good note, my new roommates are moving in tomorrow. They seem like cool peeps, so we shall see. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

The quest took a pleasant hiatus... for a second.

So, I was on a quest that started about 2 months ago, to find a place to call home. One I could leave my parents house for, and be just as comfortable. 3 weeks ago, I found that place. I found a home that was fun, down to earth, comfortable, and just perfect. My quest was over, I had arrived. Or so I thought...

I am not on my quest again. My roommates are moving to Sacramento, and I potentially am going to have to move again. It really is unfortunate, because I LOVED my roommates and the atmosphere of my new home.

What I do not love, is searching for a new place to live. I don't really want to take a chance on more strangers. Oh well, we don't always get what we want right?
I have decided not to finish this post because I am tired. Adios blogworld, see you soon.

A New Journey

So, a friend of mine blogged tonight, so I thought I'd follow suit. It has been awhile since I blogged, so it is time.

This friend of mine blogged about how quick life is, and how rarely we stop to breathe. I totally agree with her. I think we live in a world where the fast paced lifestyle is expected and accepted, whereas it's opposite is rejected. I often find myself wondering where time goes, and question whether I am doing what I really want to be doing. The reality is this... We like the fast-paced lifestyle, and it doesn't matter what we WANT to be doing, because we won't ever be able to get past the fear of jumping. We are a people who are afraid to slow down and reflect, because all those balls we are juggling, will come tumbling down if we stop. Keeping the fast-paced lifestyle means we don't have to sit and reflect. We don't have to sit and think about how badly we would like to be doing something else, because the fast-paced lifestyle keeps us distracted. I mean seriously, what would I do if I didn't do what I am doing? The fear of taking a leap and doing what is exciting, sounds very appealing... And scary. Here is another hard truth, what do I really want to be doing? Working at Storyland & Playland isn't so bad. I am making a difference, and paying the bills. Is there something more exciting? If so, what is it?

Before Daniel and I started dating, merely when we worked together, we had a conversation about dreams. He was telling me what he wanted to do in life, and what sounded appealing, and when the question was asked in return, I had nothing. Why is that? Is it because I don't have any dreams, or is it because I haven't taken the time to think about them. Or... Maybe it is because those things that sound wonderful don't make sense to a 23 year old who should be thinking about a career and a family, etc. I don't know. It is definitely something I should think about.

Right now, in this present moment, I want to excel in school. I want to be loved and love in return with ALL that I am. I want to suceed at my job. These are some of the things I want. Oh and I want to take a trip out of town. :)

Life is a journey.