My first teaching gig...

So Wednesday August 25th, I have the exciting opportunity to teach a lesson to a group of 50 eighth graders at Kastner Middle School. To sum the expectation of the experience up, in one word... YIKES!!

I am terrified, beyond scared, shaking in my boots, about to toss my lunch, and crap my pants. :-/ too graphic, sorry about that. This will be my first experience teaching to a live group of students. Now, many would ask, "Hey Shannon, didn't you receive your Bachelors degree in Communication?" And the answer to that question would be a proud yes! But the reality is, that was different. When I gave a speech, sure I created it, and sure I stood up in front of a class of my peers, but the truth is, half of them probably tuned me out. Their educational knowlege didn't rest on the weight of whether or not I could persuade them that the 2nd amendment was right or wrong (a speech I gave). I am giving a lesson to a bunch of students, who likely will be tuning me out, but who very well may be hearing about literary terms for the first time in their lives; I will be their first impression. So, I'll say it again, YIKES!

For now, I shall breathe, and hope for the best. The reality is, my first few lessons probably will suck, but practice makes perfect right. I will do the dang thang on Wednesday, and give it my all.

Oh... Did I mention I have to video tape myself teaching the lesson, and watch it with MY classmates, while they critique me? Yikes.

A Million Little Pieces

I tend to glean tidbits of information about life through novels, and the novel A Million Little Pieces is no exception.

Specifically, there is a point in the novel where the main character has a moment of intense reflection and solitude. Now, the important thing to note is that this momemt of reflection & solitude is unlike anything I am used to. These moments, for me at least, involve a lot of thinking; my mind moving a mile a minute, processing whatever is being thrown my way. His moments consisted of ridding himself of all worry, thought, and desire, and just being still, mindless sitting. I envy him.

I think reflection is important, it allows us to evaluate where we were, and what needs to change moving forward. Reflection shows us what's working, and what's not working. But the moment I read the character's act of emptying out his mind, I yearned for a similar experience. I can't describe why it's so inticing. I think it's the fact that I am constantly bombarded by the worries of the day, and the things of life, that not thinking about anything offers a sense of peace and escape.

Unfortunately, it is impossible, in my opinion, to completely rid yourself of all your thoughts, but I have come to discover that it is important to try. So, moving forward, I am going to try and find some time to reflect in solitude once in a while. We will see how it goes.

My credential journey thus far...

So, I am aspiring to be a teacher. I am half way through my classes, half way through the CSET, and completely unprepared to be done. So far my experience in getting my teaching credential has been less than exciting. Unfortunately, National University has not met my expectations. It is frustrating to sign up for a program who clearly states they offer all classes on-site, just to have all my on-site classes cancelled. Honestly, I am struggling with the online classes I am forced to take because I have a procrastination issue. I am hoping it gets better, and am trying to look on the bright side, but it is difficult.

As far as the CSET goes, I have taken 2 out of the 4 subtests that are necessary. The unfortunate thing is I failed one of those sections.I have the opportunity to take it again on July 10th, so we will see.

All this said leads me to how I am truly feeling. I am feeling defeated. I feel as if I should just blow it off, and be an Executive Assistant somewhere and be content in that. I usually excel, or at least not struggle, through things, and I hate this feeling. I know that all the school work is not going to actually be what I am doing when I am a teacher, but seeing the silver lining is difficult. The one thing I have going for me, is that I am not a quitter. I usually follow through with what I set out to do. We will see. Hopefully things start brightening up.

I should have gotten into speech language pathology. They make the beaucoup bucks. Oh well... You live and learn.

Random. Good. Night.

hello... out... there...

Nobody ever reads my blog. Or maybe they do, but never comment? Oh my, oh me.

The Future

What does it hold? I wonder.

Restless

You know the saying "the world is wide, and ready to be conquered?" Ok, I'll admit it, I don't actually know if that is a saying or not, but it greatly reflects the feelings I harbor, today. I have lived in Fresno my whole life, and although I enjoy it very much, I want to discover new places. I am restless. I want to travel. I need to experience different cultures. Unfortunately, I am poor, and have responsibilities.
Almost every day, I talk to Daniel about the places I want to go one day. He chuckles, and always responds with "Maybe one day babe." I plead with him to just run away with me for a couple months... One of these days he will cave, I just know it!
For now... I look forward to July when I will embark on a journey across the border... No, for all you smart asses, I am not referring to Taco Bell. I am referring to Mexico. I am more than excited to head to Mexico with New Harvest, and once again take in the smells, tastes, and sights.
My hope is that Mexico will cure the travel itch in me for a bit... But I know for sure, restlessness and I will meet again shortly after.
You know... I think it stems from the monotony of life. I wake up go to work, on Mondays I go to school. Then do it all over again. I understand the responsibilities of bills, which requires me to work and make money; I'm not going to lie when I say I miss the days that were care free.
If I were a billionaire, I would work when I wanted, travel when I wanted, and donate a lot of it.
One day, I am sure I will find contentment where I am at... Hopefully soon.

Randomness.

love.

I am in love. In love for what feels like the first time ever, and I love being in love. :) I have never felt this way about somebody before. I am soaring. Guess what... He loves me back. :)